saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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