Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
