is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
