Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
