my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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