stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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