Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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