I just threw up on my dentist
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
