she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I just found puke in my bra..
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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