yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
