I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
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