im drinking this country out of the recession.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
