can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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