Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
