Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You have to summon your inner elephant
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
