Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(540): View more from Virginia

Whore.

(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I was being facetious

(540): View more from Virginia

Don't try to hide behind big words.

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.

Fav 18 3533 919
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo

Fav 22 8532 1038
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook

Fav 36 10689 1223
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(703): View more from Virginia

I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.

Fav 13 1575 3456
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(509): View more from Washington

I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.

Fav 35 1448 4284
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(631): View more from New York

This beer is not sobering me up at all

Fav 13 8181 1576
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(646): View more from New York

The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.

Fav 2 606 206
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(269): View more from Michigan

And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick

Fav 2 46 6
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