I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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