Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
