Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
