I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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