Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
