why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
