I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
