Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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