My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
