So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
