does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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