It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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