Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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