I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
