I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
