What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
