well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
