I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
