Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
i need some magic done to my vagina
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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