i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
