I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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