I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
