I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Someone shit on the floor
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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