Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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