My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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