I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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