how can u be prego again
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize