and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
