those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
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