You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
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