so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
