Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
wow bdsm is so cute
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
