i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
