And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
