I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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