the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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