He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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