i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
