Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
