Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
