Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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