I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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