plz talk dirty to me
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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