Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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