Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
