I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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