I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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