Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
