did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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