You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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