Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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