Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
