Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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