So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
