i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
4 words: hood of his car
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
