It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
