Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
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