I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize