Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
