Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
